selfishness and blogging

wow, it's been quite a while since I even looked at this page. Needless to say, this blog has been on the "back burner." I guess I have to admit that I wasn't journaling for my own pleasure, but, because it seemed like no one was reading, I quit writing.

There's probably a lot in my life that I could say that about. If it weren't for other people watching, or appreciating, or giving feedback, or at least acknowledging something is being done, I wouldn't do half the things I do. That seems dangerous.

What would I do if I wasn't doing it for someone else? a bit scary, I think.

So maybe it's not so bad. Doing things "for" other people at least keeps me from being completely selfish and self-serving. I don't pretend to have great motives at all times, but I'm glad I have people I care about that help me not to be ME focused (all the time).

Dishwasher

Yesterday I successfully installed our new dishwasher... all by myself. From start to finish, including wiring in the electrical cord through the fuse box, connecting the water lines in and out, leveling, insulating, the works. I am indeed proud of myself. It feels good. I saved money. Plus, I got bonus points with Amy. Who knew I was handy?

It was a good day... yesterday. Spending time with the family, dreaming about the future of our new home. Looking at paint, faucets, towel bars, kitchen appliances. Cleaning out the garage, storing seldom used stuff (Christmas ornaments, tree, snow skis, baseball cards, etc.) in the attic, throwing out boxes we used for packing. Progress.

Astrid's Blessing

On Sunday, Astrid Arriagada, a Chilean youth pastor visiting Georgetown over recent weeks, shared with our congregation a word from God. With a translator helping us, she traced through her family history the blessings she has experienced because of the faithful men and women who were missionaries to her country many years ago. And because of this blessing she received, she serves God in order to be a blessing to others.

But the most powerful part of her testimony for me was the part where she said that she had received a word for us at Georgetown Baptist. She shared Isaiah 63:19 through 64:1, "We are yours from of old; but you have not ruled over them, but they have not been called by your name. Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you!" Astrid believes that God wants to move through our church in a new way, by the power of his Spirit. I'm not sure of all that means, but I couldn't stop thinking about all that she had said to us that morning. What will a new move of God's Spirit look like here? What do I need to be doing now to usher him in? I'm definitely excited about what this might mean. Dios esta aqui!

Not only that, but during the invitation time, I prayed with her. After we prayed, she turned to Acts 3:6-7-- "Then Peter said, 'Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.' Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong"-- and she pointed at me and prayed over my hands one at a time.

I don't yet understand the full extent of Astrid's blessing, but I want to. May I and my church receive the blessings and challenges bestowed on us that day. Amen.

A Blessing

Youth Winter Retreat
cleftRock, February 16 & 17, 2007

Kirstin, Katie, Blair, Vanessa, Amy & Tim,
Now may the ever-patient Father, who loves without limits, and the ever-faithful Son, who faced head on all our temptations and trials, and the ever-present Spirit, who lives deep in our souls and never leaves us alone, reveal His beautiful work in you, making you confident in His unfailing love and secure in His perfect plans. May you trust deeply His work in you—when it’s easy and when it’s hard, when you are faithful and when you mess up, when you feel near and when you feel far. May you receive from Him the courage to stand and the blessing of friends that help you stand when you can’t do it on your own. And may you trust that you are His and He’s not done with you yet and will not give up on making you the person He intends for you to become. In the matchless, trustworthy, powerful name of our Savior and Friend, Jesus. Amen.

Teach... with your life

"Teach... with your life"
1 Timothy 4:12 (The Message)

Set an example. Live a life that speaks and teaches. What does my life say? I get so caught up with living for myself. I care about me and my happiness and fortune and comfort. When will I learn to live for God and others? Why do I have to be so selfish?

I want my ministry to be effective. I want to teach in a way that it means something to them... that they feel it deeply, it resonates strongly, it connects meaningfully, it lasts indefinitely. Teach with my life. I can't teach with my life if I'm hiding.

How do I teach with my life about the things in this verse? I'm not sure my life has much to say about faith or love or integrity. My life is a struggle much of the time and I wonder how deeply it's taken hold in me-- how do I teach from that!?

How could I do more teaching from my life? How can I get more into their daily living with my daily living? How do I get my life into others'? Lord, help me to open up and reveal myself to others-- but let what I am be what You want it to be. I want to be worth You showing off. May You receive all glory and honor from my life. Amen.

(Lectio Divino from Winter Retreat 1/17)

Return

After a bout with strep, I'm back. I took my last antibiotic today.

Yesterday was moving day, part 1. We moved out of our house in Somerset into the temporary dwelling of my mother-in-law's house. We aren't supposed to take possession of our house in Georgetown until February 26th. It's amazing how much "stuff" can accumulate.

In the midst of buying houses and recovering from my deathbed illness, I took a sabbath retreat. My friend, Danny, agreed to come alongside me and give spiritual direction for a couple days. He guided me through scripture and helped me discern some of what the Lord is saying to me about my relationship with Him. It was very enlightening but far too short. I'm still processing Hebrews 12:1-3, Ecclesiastes 11:4 and Matthew 14:22-33. (By the way, I find myself quite indebted to Eugene Peterson and his Bible paraphrase, The Message.) And now, after only a little while with Danny, I have a ton more books I need to read!

Lord, don't give up on me yet.

Strep

ugh... strep. I feel very bad. On the flipside, we bought a house.

Stress

Someone recently said to me that buying a house ranked third as the most stressful events in a person's life-- after the death of a child and the death of a spouse. More than changing jobs, getting married, serious injuries, graduating from school, etc. It's probably no coincidence that I'm now reading my second book in a row related to the topic of stress. The first one, "What Matters Most," by Doug Fields was specifically for youth workers to be encouraged to pay attention to the warning signs of busyness and to be able to say "yes" to the things that matter most and learning to say "no" to more busyness. The one I'm reading now, "The Rest of God," by Mark Buchanan talks about restoring sabbath--the rest of God--into my life.

I have a lot to learn. Lord, help me say "no" to my own need to be busy and free me from my stress... so that I can embrace more of You.

puzzle pieces

I have a son, Ben, who loves puzzles. This morning I noticed him hold up a piece of one of his many puzzles and say to his mother, "Hey, I found the piece that was missing yesterday!" The thing about his statement that was so amazing was that he recognized that particular piece separate from the rest of the puzzle... he picked it up out of a pile of many random pieces. I'm not sure how his brain processes puzzle-working, but if you watch him work puzzles, it seems as though each piece of each puzzle is memorized... and, in particular, how it connects to the rest of the picture.

He is so thoughtful about a puzzle... and I'm not sure that I'm even that thoughtful about the most important pieces that make up my life. Do I put that kind of care into "giving thought to" all the parts of my life? What about the pieces of my life that go unnoticed and neglected? Could I pick out each piece, tell you about it, and explain how it's connected to the bigger picture? Probably not. Maybe that's part of where I want to go through this thing.

Here's one piece. My daughter. I have a beautiful baby daughter that my wife, my sons and I thank God for every night. We also pray that she will be safe and healthy and that God would provide people to love her and care for her right now. The problem is that she is still in China; she is an orphan and needs a family. But we haven't been told we can go get her yet. In fact, we haven't even been told her name or given her picture... but she's there right now waiting for us. And we are waiting (not so patiently) for her, too. I try to explain to Ben that we are waiting in line and it's not our turn yet... that we have to wait until we get to the front of the line to go to China to bring her home. Though I don't know the first thing about her, I love her and my heart aches to think about how I long to hold her in my arms. If my life is a puzzle, she is definitely a "missing piece."

a beginning

I guess I should explain my title a bit... "giving thought to my ways." It's a partial quote of Proverbs 14:8, which in full reads, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception."

I guess I want to avoid being a fool-- according to this verse, being one who deceives himself. I don't want to be lying to myself and blindly going along living an "unexamined life." I want to be wise by "giving thought to my ways," thinking about where I am going. Does the path I'm walking lead to a place I want to go? If I keep heading this way, will I like where I arrive?

Unfortunately I am not like Casey or BJ. I am intending neither to read through the Bible in one year nor to blog everyday... but, maybe at some point in this journey, I'll discover some things that will help me draw me nearer to God.