a hard funeral revisited

A few weeks ago, I was asked to perform a funeral service for a man who was only four months older than me, who left behind a wife of 2 years and a step-daughter and a one-year old son. Though I don't know all the details, he apparently had a secret drug problem he kept hidden from his friends and family and died as a result of an overdose. Tragic and awful... and I had the task of saying something at the funeral to help bring comfort and make sense of it all.

This past Thursday, there was another tragic death. This time a twelve-year old boy from my church. Needless to say, I'm really struggling trying to deal with this one. My heart aches for everyone involved. I guess I just want to share some of the remarks that I offered at the funeral a few weeks ago:

If you’re familiar with the Lord’s Prayer, would you pray it together with me this afternoon?

Part of this prayer of Jesus that sticks with me today is “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” With the death of Chris, a lot of us here are thinking about heaven, this place that our imagination tries to picture—free from pain and tears and hurt and sin, a place filled with God and with those who have been transformed by Jesus—a place that is now reality for Chris.

But what Jesus says that we should pray for in this prayer is that we would live the life of heaven here on earth now. And that’s the problem, right? Our lives sometimes look nothing like heaven. We are broken people… splintered, misshapen, fractured, spinning off in the wrong direction, cracked, shattered, distorted, crushed. In all the ways we can describe it, broken.

Not that there isn’t beauty and love and hope, but alongside it is brokenness. This was certainly true for Chris. Even with his sweet wife, and his adoring kids, even with his supportive family and loving friends, he was still a broken person. And if you and I were to sit down together, I know many of you here this morning could tell me about your brokenness. Relationships splintered—we’re often either getting beat up, or ignoring someone else’s pain, or maybe even the one causing the pain. Sometimes our brokenness is internal. Maybe you sense it within yourself most deeply. Look at our splintered hearts, our crushed minds, our cracked spirits. It’s the inward brokenness of guilt, shame, over-obsession and insecurity.

What about our relationship with God? Maybe for you it is torn apart, cracked, misshapen. God wants to come close to us, and we push him away. God wants to come into our lives, and we crowd him out. God wants to show us the best possible way to live, and we refuse to even listen. We fail to love and obey him, and we find our relationship with God shattered.

It’s not a mistake that at the beginning of the story of Jesus, the first message of God to humans was “peace on earth.” Remember the Christmas story and the angels announcing peace to the shepherds? In the Bible, the word “peace” literally means… to put back together, to put back in, to restore as it was originally intended to be, to bring fulfillment. This is what the angels were so excited about. “Peace on earth!” They were announcing the peace of God on all the earth.

Whatever else you think Jesus is about, I want you to know this: God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to begin the process of putting back together what is broken in us.

In the beginning of creation, the Bible tells us that God created us in his image and his dream for us was to live unbroken lives with him forever, but, when sin quickly came, that image was broken. God’s intention for creation was distorted. But God wants to restore what was broken, he wants to put back in what was lost. God has not given up on his dream for the world. And the coming of Jesus signals the restoration.

So Jesus, who is known as the Prince of Peace, his life means that our shattered lives can be put back together like new—better than new! God takes the pieces of our lives that are broken and splintered and shattered and miraculously reunites them. He takes our crushed relationships with others, within ourselves and with him, and fuses the pieces back together.

Through Jesus, God is restoring his people. He longs to take your pieces—all the junk in your life—and make you whole, without cracks, without splinters, without defect. Look at your life… do you think this is the way God intended for it to be? I know some of you could look at shards of glass and say, “that’s me.” You need to know your life was meant to be so much more than all this junk. I believe this isn’t all there is.

I’ve seen God put back together some of the broken pieces in my own life. Several years ago, I struggled through some depression… maybe not as severe as what maybe some of you are dealing with. But I know what it is like to feel like there’s something messed up and broken in my mind and find help and healing and to cling to the hope that God did not give up on me.

I think Chris’ family would really want you to hear this: If you’re here and struggling with some junk in your life, please get help. It’s okay if you’re not religious, but as one who has experienced it, I know that God can do a miracle in your life and make you whole. At the point you turn your life over to him, he will begin to heal the fractures and make your life into the life he always dreamed for it to be. It won’t always be easy; healing never is. But it’s worth it.

Now if you’re here and God has made a difference in your life, I need you to hear this: God is looking for partners. God’s renewal and restoration in your life is an invitation to join him in sharing the peace of God with other people. God is looking for men and women who will seek out those who are broken and cracked and help them to find wholeness. He wants to restore the world through you. Don’t be selfish: you were not saved simply for your own well-being, he wants you to be a part of his work in other people’s lives, too. God wants you to be the healing in their life, get your hands dirty—you be the remedy.

In a way, this is sort of like what my wife and I recently experienced. You see, we returned one year ago from adopting our daughter, Kate, from China. We already have two biological sons, and we could have said to ourselves, “thanks God for giving us a great family.” But, no, we saw so many orphans around the world without a family—huge brokenness—and felt that part of God’s calling in our lives was to reclaim one life out of that brokenness and be her forever family. At times it’s been hard, but we love our daughter so much and are so proud to be her parents.

Here’s what I need you to do this afternoon. 1. I want you right now to turn to the person next you and tell them, “This isn’t all there is.” Take a second to do that now. 2. I challenge you to be there for this precious family that Chris left behind, not only now, but down the road, too. Send cards, give hugs. In a few years, Elizabeth is going to need driving lessons… and I sure hope she doesn’t get them from her mom.

Let me end with this paraphrase of Hebrews 13:

“May God, who puts all things together, makes all things whole, Who made a lasting mark through the sacrifice of Jesus, the sacrifice of blood that sealed the eternal covenant, Who led Jesus, our Great Shepherd, up and alive from the dead, Now put you together, provide you with everything you need to please him, Make us into what gives him most pleasure, by means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah. All glory to Jesus forever and always!”

Live the life of heaven now.

top 10 advice to young aspiring ministers

Last week I spoke at Georgetown College's Intro to Ministry class and shared with them my top ten words of advice. Since they are young aspiring ministry students, I thought of what I would have needed to hear the most when I was in their place 11 years ago. Here's my list:

1. Do what is life-giving. Do what you are gifted in and what gives you life regardless of recognition or pay; don't settle for the supposed "optimal career path." Ministries like student ministry, education, missions, etc. are not stepping stones to "real ministry." Also in whatever ministry they end up in, I want to encourage them to make sure they get to do a good chunk of what is life-giving, not just life-draining. For me, it's things like my guys small group. I have at least 3 other adult volunteers who could do this for me, but because it is something that gives me life, I make sure I get to do it.

2. Affirm truth/ faith/ good/ creativity wherever you see it. Don't be that guy who thinks that God only works through you. Be willing to affirm God's work around you. It's not a threat to your value or success if other's are doing good. It's like the disciple John in Mark 9:38 who says, "We saw a man driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us," but who Jesus affirms saying, "Do not stop him... anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward."

3. Play well with others. Be willing to network with others in your field, which for me is other youth ministers. And also foster good relationships with the people you minister to and with, which in my context includes other staff, parents, and schools. You'll need to lean on these relationships sooner or later.

4. Eat your frog first thing in the morning (this is my key to working efficiently). Mark Twain is quoted as saying, "Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day." What I have learned is that when I do the thing I least want to do first thing in the morning, it makes the rest of my day much more productive. What happens if I put it off is that I spend time distracted, wasting time avoiding it, and worrying about it so that it grows bigger and bigger and becomes harder and harder to eat. Small frogs are not fun, but it's better than the big ones.

5. Think relationally... specifically close, long-term and vulnerable. Most ministry students have probably heard the importance of relational ministry, but let me be a little more specific with what I mean. I think it's extremely important to minister in close proximity to those you hope to influence. This is especially evident when I have participated in inner city mission work... nothing can replace getting down on your knees, touching a hand and looking directly into the eyes of a child of God suffering under poverty and homelessness. Also, the value of long-term ministry is sometimes neglected. Youth ministry has been perpetually plagued by brief stays and quick departures, and studies have shown how deeply it has impacted ineffectiveness (it's not hard to imagine why that is). Longevity can make a huge difference. And finally, you need to understand that your healing is interconnected with the healing of others. Recognize that you're not in ministry because you have it all together and want to make everyone else whole... rather, we are vulnerable in admitting that we find our own healing in bringing healing to others. As I stated in a recent blog post, I believe God made us in such a way that our salvation is interconnected. "We cannot fully recover until we help the society that made us sick recover." That's why we care about the lost, the orphan, the hungry, the planet... so that we will find healing for the brokenness in our own soul through it.

6. Major in English... and maybe philosophy. Good writing and communication skills are an issue of credibility. I admit I'm personally put off by something poorly written, poorly edited, or not well-thought out. In whatever ministry context you find yourself, you will need to be a good writer as you prepare lessons, sermons, bulletin announcements, newsletters, prayer updates or whatever. Your writing skills will make a huge difference on how your material is received.

7. You don't know what you don't know. Any education you can get is great. With that said, seminary is really only one tool along with other very valuable and up-to-date resources like internships, low pressure ministry jobs, mentors, learning experiences, conferences and books. I think I learned the most from early ministry jobs that allowed for a lot of room to mess up (mostly because they didn't pay very much and were just happy to have someone!). And since you don't know what you don't know, by all means learn to listen and allow people to give you helpful advice. (By the way, I'll be accepting applications for next summer's youth ministry internship soon!)

8. Be ready to reinvent ministry. Change is guaranteed, so learn to embrace it in creativity for new generations. Lord help us if ministry looks the same tomorrow as it does today!

9. You are a human being, not a human doing. Jesus says in Matthew 16:26, "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" So don't neglect who you are becoming because you are focused on what you are doing and accomplishing. Your value is not in what you do, but in who you are. So the question isn't "what do you want to do when you grow up?" but "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

10. The world needs you... even if they don't know it yet. You're right, this isn't so much a piece of advice as much as it is an encouragement. When you are called to ministry, I want you to know that what you are doing is extremely valuable. You are giving yourself away for the sake of the world. However, so that you don't get carried away, you should also know that you need the world, too. (And, by the way, don't ever let this become an excuse to neglect your first ministry-- your family!)

What do you think? What would be your top ten list of advice?

creativity and prophetic imagination

After all these years with Jesus, I think that sometimes what recaptures my heart and thoughts is the creativity, beauty and imagination in Jesus' message. I believe there is amazing tranformative power in creativity.

Think about it... When God wanted to do something about the brokenness and corruption of his beloved creation--humanity--he sends Jesus. The incarnation, Jesus, God-in-flesh coming to earth to show us what the invisible God is like. Why didn't he just send some new guidelines to follow to make us better... or "zap" us to fix the problems... or just give up, destroy us and start over? He came up with another way... completely unexpected and creative, and by it to show us that he loves and values us, even in our brokenness... and showing us in the flesh-and-blood Jesus that "being fixed" is less about following all the correct rules and more about the long journey of a heart learning to be fully fixed on him. Beautiful!

Then there's the church. When God wants to bring restoration to all the earth, he decides to use broken and messed up people to do it. Why wouldn't he just use angels or create an army of super-christians to go around fixing the mess... people who would always get it right and know how to get the right outcome in an efficient manner? Instead, in his amazing creativity, Jesus chooses to create us in a way that we find our own healing in the midst of the healing of others... interconnected salvation. "We cannot fully recover until we help the society that made us sick recover." That's why we care about the lost, the orphan, the hungry, the planet... that's why I am in ministry... because I need healing for the brokenness in my own soul, and I find it in ministering to the needs of others. Brilliant!

And the cross? Why would God use a cross instead of an army and an empire to inaugurate a new kingdom? On the cross, Jesus suffered death at the hands of violence and power to reveal the impotence of violence to accomplish redemption and transformation and to show what true power looks like. What is the stronger power... to fight back (with all of heaven's might at your disposal) or to resist and actively love your enemy? Exactly. God's imagination is so amazing... and I never would have thought of it in a million years.

What about the Sermon on the Mount and Matthew 5:39-41? Jesus gives examples of revolution as turning the other cheek, giving up your cloak as well, and walking the extra mile? Here's how it's explained in the book, Jesus for President (with insight from the work of Walter Wink):

You gotta love Jesus' imagination... When someone makes you walk a mile with them, go with them another mile (v.41). This may seem like a strange scenario, but for first-century Jews, it was common to be asked to walk a mile with a soldier. With no Humvees or tanks, soldiers traveled on foot and carried large amounts of gear, so they depended on civilians to carry their supplies. I'm sure there were plenty of Zealots listening to Jesus who threw a fist in the air when they were asked to walk with a soldier. Roman law specified that civilians had to walk one mile, but that's all. (In fact, going a second mile was an infraction of the military code. It would be simply absurd for a Jew to befriend an occupying soldier and want to walk an extra mile with him.) It's a beautiful scene to imagine a soldier asking for his backpack but the person insists on another mile. When asked to carry a pack, don't spit in the person's face but walk with them, even two miles instead of one. Get to know them, not as an enemy but as a person. Talk with them and woo them into our movement by your love--that is, if they'll break their own law to walk two miles with you... 'Evil can be opposed without being mirrored... oppressors can be resisted without be emulated... enemies can be neutralized without being destroyed.'

This is what Walter Brueggemann calls "prophetic imagination." That the people of God can transform the world through creativity and imagination.

Where are the modern examples of this kind of prophetic imagination? What is today's "Jubilee" (an ancient Jewish festival every 50 years of debt forgiveness and slavery freeing) that needs to happen here and now? How do we frame the teachings, "blessed are the poor, the mourners, the meek, the hungry," with creativity for today's hearers? What are the new stories of the Good Samaritan who creatively challenges us with neighbor love? How can I use imagination and creativity to partner with God in reclaiming the world and share the message of Christ's kingdom?

Because I am so very bad at this, here is my prayer: God, help me to join others in reimagining the world. Let me listen and (re)act with with your creativity. Amen.

relationships and obedience

I had an interesting teaching moment this past Sunday during our morning youth Bible study that I've gone back and thought about several times since... and I think it's worth sharing.

We were studying the first chapter of the book of Daniel in the Old Testament. In it, Daniel and his three friends (Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) make the tough decision to refuse the king's food and instead restrict themselves to a diet of only vegetables and water. Whether the problem with the food was an issue of Jewish dietary restrictions or whether it had been a part of idol worship or whatever, Daniel felt that eating it would have a negative affect on his relationship with God. Obviously the easy thing would have been to keep quiet and eat what everyone else was eating. The hard thing was going against the flow in order to honor God.

And so comes the question: Why? Why would we ever choose the hard task of obeying God when it's more desirable and/or easier to go the way of the rest of humanity?

Before I get to the payoff, you should know that earlier in the morning we played a game in which three of our students tried to get as many followers as they could. Each one had the task of convincing the other youth to do what they told them to do (and not what the other two potential leaders were trying to tell them to do). One of the leaders, Kandice, was getting people to hold hands and was successful in getting two guys who were sitting next to one another to follow her instructions and hold hands (and, being a guy, I know this is certainly not something we normally want to do).

So, when I asked the question, why would we want to obey God when it's hard and inconvenient, this illustration hit me. I asked Tyler (one of the boys who agreed to hold hands with another boy), "Why would you do something that you obviously wouldn't normally want to do?" He said, "I don't know... it's Kandice."

Exactly. It's because of his relationship with her that he was willing to do it. He may not have agreed to do it for most anybody else (including me), but, for her, no problem. It didn't matter that it made him uncomfortable or that she didn't give him a great reason for agreeing to it; he knew and trusted the person who asked him. In fact, if he didn't do it, he knew there was the potential to hurt her feelings... and, as a result, the quality of their friendship.

I tried to explain to the teenagers that this is the exact (and only real) reason for obeying Jesus... out of a relationship with him. So, when Jesus asks me to do something hard or uncomfortable, why should I do it? Because it's Jesus... and I love Jesus. Which, by the way, if this is true, it should never be surprising when someone who is not a Christian, doesn't act like a Christian and doesn't obey Jesus' words. They don't have a relationship with Jesus and have no reason to listen to him. But, on the other hand, if we claim to have a love relationship with Jesus, when we choose to disobey him, we should really be concerned about what that implies about the quality of our relationship. Or as Jesus puts it, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching... he who does not love me will not obey my teaching" (John 14:23-24). Or as John says, "If we claim to have fellowship with [Jesus] yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth" (1 John 1:6).

So, going back to the book of Daniel, one of the things we know about Daniel was that he had a strong relationship with God. If you know the story of the Lion's Den, then you know he was punished precisely because he was more willing to sacrifice his life than he was willing to sacrifice his relationship with God through prayer. Daniel was able to make the tough decisions and obey faithfully because he had a relationship and thoroughly trusted the One who asked him to follow.

The life of adolescence is filled with tough decisions... and "small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:14).

"fast" shoes

Today I'm fasting... sort of. It's not a typical fast, i.e. going without food. Instead, I'm going without shoes for the day.

I'm participating in the "one day without shoes" campaign sponsored by a small internet shoe company called Toms Shoes. Part of the mission of Toms is that for every pair of shoes they sell, they give a pair away to children in need. To date, they have given 140,000 pairs of shoes.

Also, last month our youth group took up a collection to give to a local church's mission team in order to buy shoes for girls in a Guatemalan orphanage.

Shoes can make a big difference. Consider:

In most developing nations, people go barefoot (possibly as much at 4 out of the 6 billion people on our planet).

Walking is often the primary mode of transportation in developing countries. Children can walk for miles to food, clean water and to seek medical help.

Wearing shoes prevents feet from getting cuts and sores on unsafe roads and from contaminated soil. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected. The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores. Wearing shoes can prevent this and the risk of amputation.

Many times children can't attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don't have shoes, they don't go to school. If they don't receive an education, they don't have the opportunity to realize their potential.

In Ethiopia, approximately one million people are suffering from Podoconiosis, a debilitating and disfiguring disease caused by walking barefoot on volcanic soil.

Podoconiosis is 100% preventable by wearing shoes.

There are children here in our own state who have to go without shoes, too.

So today I'm fasting from shoes. In many ways it's like "regular fasting." It is an intentional effort to change my focus... to become less selfish and thoughtless of others, to becoming more focused on God and the suffering of his children. Also it provides me with a constant reminder (through its discomfort or the public awkwardness) of what I am doing and, more importantly, why I am doing it. It's a call to pray and ask for God's intervention. Like the hunger produced from normal fasting, going shoeless also gives me an opportunity to feel what others feel, to more fully understand another person's plight. And in my life that is often far too flippant about things, fasting shows that there are some things that are worth taking seriously.

Unlike typical fasting, I am doing this publicly (c.f. Matthew 6:16-18 where we are told to keep our fasting private). I am hoping that by going barefoot today I will help raise awareness of the need for generosity and aid for those without shoes. In addition to this blog, facebook, and twitter, I have fliers to give people I see today. I want people to know that I am standing in solidarity with my fellow human beings, shoulder to shoulder, trying to give them a voice. I am urging us to have greater compassion for the shoeless children of our world.

You know, yesterday there were many demonstrations about the fair tax, and I admit my ignorance about the whole issue. I have no idea if it's good or not. But it seems there's a big difference between what they did yesterday and what those of use who are going shoeless today are doing. Yesterday they demonstrated on their own behalf, hoping to get what they feel is in their own best interests... standing up for their supposed "rights." Today, I don't stand up for myself or my own rights (I'm already too spoiled); instead, I am standing up for someone else.

I want to encourage you to get involved. Go barefoot! Find ways to support shoe delivery efforts around the world. Give generously. Have compassion--walk a mile in their shoes (?).

a long day at NYMC

*video from last year's conference replayed last night... thought it was pretty fun.

This morning's worship included a simple devotional activity and lesson from Rick Lawrence and Duffy Robbins based on the passage "taste and see that the Lord is good." What can I say? You can always count on Group Publishing for some good object lessons. They gave us packets of condiments for us to taste, including salt, pepper, vinegar, honey and Dijon mustard, taste at least 3 of them, and think through some ways it reminded us of God. Shawn (the youth leader at the Crossroads Christian Church campus in town) and I tasted the Dijon mustard, then the pepper, then the salt, and finally the honey. I was surprised to find that the pepper taste wasn't very strong, so the thought I wrote down was this: "The taste of pepper reminds me that You are more subtle than I sometimes expect You to be (even while others attack my senses); and You show me Your goodness when You make me aware that You are there." A good way to begin the day.

One of the areas I want to work on this year is helping our children and preteens transition smoothly into the youth program. My first workshop this morning addressed that specifically. "Bridging the Gap: Transitioning Kids from Children's Ministry into Youth Group" was a good, interactive workshop led by Rick Chromey. Understanding that it's "better to build a fence at the top of the cliff then to build a hospital at the bottom," we talked about starting earlier and more intentionally with our kids. With all that our preteens (5th and 6th graders) are experiencing physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, we need to think through some ways of tailoring our programming and events to respond to where they are in the development process. One thing I took away from it was the desire to find some possible ways of getting our youth small group model going (in some form) with this younger age group. With the nature of early adolescence and the onset of puberty, I think they would greatly benefit from some small, gender-specific groups with several caring adult volunteers who spent significant time investing in them.

After lunch, I went to Jana Sarti's "Creating an Intern Ministry From Start to Finish." It's funny to sit and listen to Jana talk about Saddleback's intern program, thinking about how unbelievably different it is from what we've recently started at my church. They have 15-25 interns who come from all over the world and commit to coming to Southern California for two years at a time without any compensation (by raising their own support). Don't get me wrong, I came away with tons of new ideas and helpful suggestions, but I guess I had to listen better and work a little for the take away. It also got me more excited about our summer intern this year and having a great experience where both the church and the intern come away with a win!

Finally, the worship tonight was great. I have to admit I wasn't expecting a whole lot from Kay Warren. I knew she was Rick's wife and had an outreach to orphans of the AIDS epidemic in Africa, but I can't say I knew anything else about her. Let me just say that I've read a couple of her husband's books and heard him speak at Catalyst the year before last, but she really blew me away tonight more than he ever has. It may just be where I am in my journey with God right now because it's hard to pinpoint anything new she said that I hadn't heard before (I've even used some of her illustrations in my own teaching), but as she spoke God was really working on me.

As she focused on the words "dangerously surrendered," "seriously disturbed," and "gloriously ruined," my gut was wrenching and my heart bursting. Surely not outloud, but inwardly, I have prayed the prayer she said used to pray, "Lord, ask me to do anything as long as it doesn't threaten my family... if you mess that up, the deal is off." If I pray that, I'm recognizing that God might ask risky and dangerous things, but it reveals in me a disbelief in God's goodness and a fear of the unknown/uncontrollable. He's not safe, but he is good. If he's good, why can't I trust his plan to be ultimately good for my family? My temptation is to use Amy and the kids as an excuse to play it safe... you know, for their sake. All the while the world continues on...

Part of my struggle is with the nature of youth ministry itself. It's legitimate. It's safe. It operates within structures that are legitimate and safe. As entrenched as it is, I struggle to know how to change the world from within it. Kay mentioned that the church has so often spiritualized the phrase "carry your cross" without realizing that, for Jesus, it meant being willing to actually die for something. Do I love what God loves so much that I'm willing to put my very life on the line for it (especially since God says he loves the neglected and marginalized of the world)? How do you communicate that in a youth Bible study class? As she said this, it also occurred to me that, for Jesus and his audience, the cross was also a loaded political symbol. The Romans used it as an object lesson (!) to make a statement about power, displaying the tactics and methods of how the empire would exert its will through violence, domination and control. How does this change the meaning of "take up your cross"?

I'm still struggling with all this, but I'm praying and seeking... I have confidence he'll reveal himself at the right time.

blogging (and twittering) the NYMC

I am here at the National Youth Ministry Conference having a great time learning, talking, and processing youth ministry. I'm sorry I'm not getting to this earlier, but I've been trying to avoid the internet fees that my hotel charges to get on-line.

I'd like to make a few observations thus far (and you can also follow my twitter updates for more up-to-date microblogging):

* I'm glad I have a self-evaluation in hand that I finished earlier this week... it has helped me to set some goals for what I want to think about while I'm here, specifically summer internship program ideas, bridging the gap between our sixth-graders (and other preteens) and the youth ministry, some possible administrative improvements, and building a long-term sustainable youth ministry.

* The first general session was really good. I liked the effort at trying to set the tone for the conference as being open, accessible and conversational... the morning workshop today was a pretty good example of this. I'm wondering if I can use this reasoning to get Doug Fields to reveal his secret blog address :)

* I wasn't especially impressed with the Harris brothers speaking last night. I like what they had to say (that our students can think deeply and that they are up to the challenge of doing great things), and I really think I'll like the book once I get to read it. But last night, for some reason, I wasn't particularly engaged. (See my tweet about the devil shaking about students reading systematic theology.)

* One last thought: I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "Empire" and the way America and our culture is steeped in maintaining affluence and status, even while it can only exist at the expense of other people (see $8 hot dog video at http://www.workofthepeople.com/). This leads to thinking about Christianity as having the task of undermining and subverting that way of life. It's really hard to go to a conference, see the bigness of everything and feel connected to the broken around the world. With that said, I'm really proud of the way they featured the Compassion speaker. But at the same time, it's hard to sing the chorus we sang last night, "You're the Defender of the weak; You comfort those in need" when most of the time I'm not defending or comforting anyone but myself.

I hope to stay updated better now that I have internet. Look for me at the live SYM 100th episode podcast! And click on these links for others who are blogging NYMC and posting twitter updates!

hard books & surgeries

(* in the interest of full disclosure, you should know that I'm typing this on a decently sophisticated cell phone.)

Right now I am sitting on a lay-down chair in my daughter's warm hospital room on a cold, snowy day... and I feel especially aware of the irony of it all.

Firstly, I am so thankful to the Lord for letting Kate's surgery today go so smoothly. This was a real blessing for her and for me and Amy.

We left the house at 5am, and made our way cautiously (and safely) to the hospital. Kate had been in a great mood up until the time they picked her up and carried her away from her Mom and Dad into the OR. They began with the ear tubes and were done before we knew it. The cleft repair and minor lip revision took a little longer (about an hour and a half). She's been a combination of grumpy, scared, mad, hurting, confused, apprehensive, and sleepy all day. Honestly, she has slept and cuddled most of the day, with short bouts of crying mixed in. I knew she'd want Mommy immediately, but I was thrilled that she allowed me to comfort her quite a bit! We will talk to the surgeon more tomorrow, but the roof of her mouth looks good from our perspective. On the other hand, she may have messed up some of the stitching on her lip "touch up."

Probably not coincidentally, I finally finished reading "Everything Must Change" by Brian McLaren, as Kate lay sleeping on my chest this evening. This is one of those super hard books. It focuses on how the world is caught in this suicidal web of overconsumption in pursuing prosperity, violence in trying to attain security, and inequality that results from attempting to guarantee the other two... and it's all reinforced by a broken "framing story." He paints a bleak picture where we're all caught up in this self-destructive mess, none more so than the United States. It's shocking to read about our military... that we have enough nuclear weapons to destroy ten planet earths, or that it costs $100 million per day to keep our weapons poised and ready, or that so much of our economy is based on arms sales (even often supplying weapons to both sides of a conflict). McLaren writes about our unsustainable consumption and our gross exploitation of the world's poor.

But he also talks about hope and a new vision. This is where it gets hard because it calls for rejecting or "defecting from" the ordinary way the world works which is so pervasive and all-encompassing in favor of "the kingdom of God." Besides feeling powerless because it seems like there's little I can do to change the big societal problems, it challenges me with the inconvenience of doing many little things I CAN do (and by doing so begin to change some of the culture around me).

Ok, so here's the irony. I'm acutely aware all the sudden of how this is related to today. Inequality. How many of those here who lost their power today in the ice storm are cognizant of the millions who live without it daily? Prosperity. Did I ever think about the kind of prosperity system that makes possible a surgery like this? What do people on the other side of the world (particularly the developing world) think about my ease of access to medical care, especially non-life-threatening, life-enhancing medical care? What's it mean that by virtue of her residence in the US, Kate has this kind of care afforded her (almost as a right)? And what do I now do with this? I know as a Chinese orphan, there's a good chance she wouldn't have had this opportunity, and the adoption itself is a part of this kind of living out of the Kingdom. But despite this, is my prosperity somehow at the expense of someone else? In a global community, it seems like I should be asking questions like this. I don't know. (It doesn't help that I saw a complaint about internet access and read about a shopping trip described as "heaven" earlier, either.) Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that Kate will have benefited from this procedure. I just somehow have this sense that I've unknowingly bought into the Empire of Caesar more than the Kingdom of God sometimes.

processing stuff

It's time for this blog to do what it's really here to do: help me process some thoughts.

Kate is going in for surgery on Wednesday morning. As most of you are aware, my daughter was born with a cleft lip/ cleft palate. Her lip was repaired in China when she was seven months old (thanks to the generous sponsors of the "Happy Fund" in Suzhou). There is a little scarring and a "bump" on her upper lip from the repair, but I feel like it was done well and, if you've seen her, would have to admit that she's the most beautiful little girl you've ever seen!! (By the way, the doctor also concurs that the procedure was done well... which is important.)

So, though the lip was repaired, Kate still has an unrepaired cleft palate. The cleft in her palate is complete, which means the hole in the roof of her mouth spans both the hard and soft palate all the way to the gum line. Wednesday they will insert ear tubes (to help with the constant ear infections which are common with cleft-affected kids) and repair the cleft, leaving only the gum line unrepaired (which they will repair through a bone graft once she's a little older and her permanent teeth have come in). This later surgery, along with probably pretty extensive orthodontics, will help with her teeth and under bite.

The surgery on Wednesday will be in the morning, and they are planning to keep her overnight to watch for any swelling that might obstruct her breathing. Then she will come home Thursday to a diet of nothing but liquids for ten days. This will be quite a test, I think... she loves to eat and it will be tricky to work out the logistics of feeding the boys and keeping food (and toys) out of her mouth. After the ten days, she'll have a period where she can only eat soft foods like mashed potatoes and whatever we put in the blender before she eventually returns to eating normal again.

This surgery has the potential to be so great for her. For example, because of the cleft, she is unable to suck. As much as she loves straws (she insists on having one every time we go out to eat and non-stop pretends to drink out of it), how great will it be once she's recovered from the surgery and she can actually suck something through them! We're also hoping it will help with the amount of drool :)

Also, every once in a while, the cleft has made it so that when she sneezes, food comes out her nose. (I remember the first time she did this and a huge chunk that had apparently been lodged up there flew out and landed on my arm! Nice.)

More than that, her language should progress significantly. Because of the cleft, she has a very hard time making many sounds (she was never really able to speak Chinese either). In the mean time, we've been learning sign language so that she can communicate with us, and it has worked pretty well so far. And even if she doesn't get all the sounds just right, she already does such a great job with the English words she has learned so far like "hello," "bye," "home," "help," "hot," and "mama." Kate's got a great speech therapist working with her already, and I can't wait for her to make more sounds and start speaking more and more words and phrases. It'll make such a difference in her life.

But I can't help but think, "Poor girl!" I feel so bad for her. We really can't prepare her for this. Obviously she doesn't understand the English word "surgery"... not to mention the fact that it's hard to explain to a two-year old the principle of delayed gratification, i.e. what hurts so bad now will make your life so much better down the road. She doesn't have a clue that her world is going to be turned upside-down. I mean, there she is having such a great time with us, laughing and playing. With all we've gone through to try to build trust and avoid her rejecting us; I'm afraid something like this might destroy all that we've built the last three months.

I'm praying for the surgery to be successful and the healing to be quick, but maybe that's my deeper prayer-- let this ordeal not damage our relationship with her and turn her away from us... and maybe even somehow let it strengthen her bonds with her mommy and daddy. Or at least, let her emotional wounds from this surgery heal eventually, too.

That's the problem with suffering, isn't it? Let her go through it or protect her from it? Will it drive her away or draw her closer? As a good dad, I have to submit my daughter to this trauma. I wish I could save her from it, but I see the bigger picture and the long-term benefit of the surgery. It wouldn't be real love or mercy if I let her avoid the pain. But if she were given the choice, she might choose not to have to endure the pain and she may not perceive that I did what was really best. In the same kind of way, I guess I hope that through whatever painful experiences I might have to face in my own life that I will know that I have a Father I can trust so that I don't doubt his love for me, even if in my own eyes it seems unloving. Pain usually leads to one of two things: greater distance or greater closeness. I think that if Kate really trusts me, then as she receives comfort from me in the pain, it will knit our hearts together more and more. Oh God, please help my little girl know her daddy loves her.

in 2009

Since I did a post on the highlights of 2008, it seems like I should list some resolutions for 2009. Since this is being posted six days into the new year, obviously one of them is not blogging in a more timely manner :)

Resolutions:

1. Read a book per month. (I have to give credit to Jeremy for this. I saw on his blog he did this last year and thought it was a great idea.) Included in the these projected 12 books for 2009 is Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell, Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris, Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren, Be the Change by Zach Hunter, The Irresistible Revolution and Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne. I have many others I want to read, but instead of listing them here and tie myself down to them, I'll leave it open to be decided later. I probably ought to include at least some secular stuff, too. I will probably post a few reviews as the year goes along.

2. Come up with some ways to attract more non-churched kids to our youth ministry. I like to set goals for my ministry at the beginning of a new year, and I feel like this is an area that God wants me to focus on. At my last church, we were able to draw several students who weren't the typical "church kids" and came even when they didn't have a family that encouraged them to attend. Here we have a solid base, but our influence outside our church is pretty minimal. I think a great test of the health of a ministry is how welcome outsiders (especially those without much previous church experience) feel when they come and get involved. I think this will also help us continue to see several youth baptized this year.

3. Completely finish converting all the slides. As you can see in previous posts, I've taken on the task of scanning all my parents' and grandmother's old 35mm slides and converting them into digital images. At a rate of approximately an hour and a half per carousel so far, it's hard to explain how much time I expect this to consume... I'll just say that my parents bought a terabyte external hard drive to hold them all, and I hope they fit :)

4. Find an alternative to my soft drink consumption (at least partially). Both to reduce my intake of caffeine and calories, I'm looking for something to replace at least some of the coke that I drink per day. Let me just say that I drink plenty of milk already, don't like tea or coffee (not that they would reduce the caffeine), and can't stand the taste of diet drinks. I have a hard time drinking much water and get burnt out on juices, so I'm still working on this one. Let me know if you have any good suggestions. (Oh, and I'm a pastor so alcohol won't work either... not that I could stand the taste or afford it anyway.)

5. Write more. I'm not going to say too much about this one, but I think one of my better forms of communication is the written word. I'm not always a great speaker, but I like being able to rework my thoughts and express myself more clearly through writing. So...

6. Be a better father and husband. There's a lot of areas in my life where I can afford to fail. It's okay if I don't read 12 books this year, drink less Coke, convert slide photographs... or honestly even reach more unchurched youth. But one area I cannot afford to fail in is my family. I am the only father and husband my family's got, so they're depending on me. I admit that when I look back over 2008 some of my biggest regrets are that I didn't spend more time with my wife and kids. I'm happy to be able to impact the lives of teenagers, but I have to find ways to balance all of that over against the needs of the four most important people in my life. I hope that 2009 will be full of "No's" to the busyness and selfishness in my life and many more "Yes's" to Amy, Ben, Will and Kate.

Is God Really Enough?

In the last couple days I've been priviledged to participate in an interesting theological discussion on facebook with several folks from NKU and their campus minister, Brian (an old college friend of mine). It started out with Brian's post, "Is God Really Enough?":

Question get your attention? :) No, I am not questioning God as the creator and provider of all things. :) I spoke at our worship service last night and this was one of the questions I posed to spark some discussion in hopes of further developing our Christian Community within the NKU BCM as well as on the campus of NKU. Will you go with me for a minute...

Look at Genesis 1 & 2...God has just created man (Adam). In Chapter 1, as he created each day, He ended the day by saying it was Good. After He created man (Adam & Eve), he said it was Very Good. There is something special about humans that God created... Now, in Chapter 2...after everything had just been declared "Good" and "Very Good", God says in Verse 18, "It is not good for man to be alone..." Amongst all the good, God declares something that was not good. This has been interesting for me to ponder. Why was it not good? Maybe because it was incomplete? Not accomplishing what God wanted accomplished?

I often hear comments from people that as long as I have my relationship with God, that is all that really matters...God is enough. I find it interesting that this is exactly the situation Adam is in in Genesis 2 and yet, it seems that God deemed that that was not enough...something was missing. This led me to another question...Is there a void in our life that God will not fill? Note that I did not say that He could not fill it. He is perfectly capable of doing so. But, in this instance in Genesis 2, it seems that He has left a void in Adam's life that God did not fill. (Also note, that the fall had not occurred yet...) Verse 18 concludes with, "...I will make a helper suitable for him." Scripture goes on to describe the process that ultimately resulted in a suitable helper/companion being created...Eve...another human.

Could it be that from the beginning God created us (humans) to experience community much like the community/relationship experienced among the Trinity? Could it be that we are missing part of the point when we do not emphasize that God really is enough in the context of Christian community? Could it be that one reason the Church is not getting much traction with the Gospel in the world is that we are missing a large part if ourselves?

These are some thoughts I am working through...there are likely holes of reason and understanding. Will you help me explore these questions by engaging this discussion with me? I think the process of exploration in these areas trusting that God, through His Holy Spirit will guide us to His answers, will be a way to spur one another on to futher growth in our relationship with God and each other. Hope to hear from you!

Which caused me to do some thinking... and give input into the discussion, too:

Just a thought... Was the Trinity not enough for God? Isn't that why he created humans? Maybe the bigger picture is that community-in-and-of-itself isn't what is missing... maybe an ever-growing, more-inclusive community is what God is pointing to here. (A community which constantly adds more to it, e.g. the Trinity adding Adam, Adam adding Eve, the first family adding children, etc.) Yet another aspect to the Abrahamic covenant: You are blessed to be a blessing... bring more people into the "family," if you will.

Personally, this has been more real to me through our adoption of Kate. I'm not enough... Me and Amy aren't enough... Me, Amy and my 2 sons aren't enough... We felt it deep in our souls to love another and open up our family to this amazing little girl. As in the case of the Trinity, even good can become better. Or, maybe put another way, good can become "not good" if it never grows beyond itself.

And this, too (after further discussion):

Yes, thanks James for the word of caution. I really don't mean to imply that God was not self-sustaining, but nevertheless I don't want to miss the way that God builds something of himself into his human creation, a.k.a. "created in his image."

Brian, great job explaining what I was trying to say... I should let you speak for me more often :) Like you, I guess I might use the word "satisfied." When you look at the creative and redeeming nature of God, it reveals an unwillingness to be satisfied with things as they are. (Also, maybe that's why ours is a God of linear history instead of recurring cycles and reincarnation?) I mean, really, isn't the problem with many churches that they're often satisfied NOT reaching out beyond themselves? Why does this annoy God? Because the people who call themselves by his name are acting in a way that is inconsistent with his character! I believe it is part of who God is that he is always seeking, inviting, welcoming, opening doors, breaking down barriers, growing, renewing, recapturing, redeeming...

So is God enough for God? Does God need more than God? "Need"? I wouldn't go that far. "Desire"? I truly think so. Forgive me if I overstate the point, but I feel that God's love moves him to be dissatisfied.

I'm interested... does this make sense? What does everyone else think?

the political campaign model

In honor of "Super Tuesday," I thought I would post some thoughts (Yes, I know... it's dangerous to stray too far from pictures and stories about my daughter, especially into politics!).

A friend of mine posted on his blog asking what the church could learn from political campaigns. The following was my reply:

"I'm afraid it has been a lesson in what-not-to-do, as it relates to faith and the kingdom of God...
1. Campaigns exist to promote the leader. In the church, God's design is for leaders to promote the people (though we see it modeled the other way all the time).
2. In campaigns, it's all about the event. You get people to make a "decision" the will determine their (sic!) future. Though this is how a lot of people talk about Christianity, I think Jesus models a faith that is intended to be more of a journey that has several key points of commitments and evidences of maturity all along the way. Our faith is intended to move us toward the image of Jesus reflected in us, not simply praying a prayer, a.k.a. marking the right box on a ballot.
3. In campaigns the ultimate commodity is image. You can't afford to be really authentic-- it's too risky. On the other hand, the church should be a community of real people who live authentic and vulnerable lives, modeled by its leaders.
4. Campaigns often don't seem to differentiate in priority of issues. On a scale of 1 to 10, everything is a 10: health care, social security, the economy, national security, civil liberties, judgment, education, etc. In the church, not everything is a 10. The death and resurrection of Jesus is a 10. What translation of the Bible you prefer is probably a 1. (However, as we all know, there are many churches that treat 1's like 10's.)
5. In campaigns, the most utilized way of influencing people is through well-placed rhetoric (either inspiring or fear-based). Commercials, billboards, debates, yard signs. "America first." "Change you can believe it." I think the leadership example of Jesus says influence comes through relationships, serving one another, and tangible expressions of love. "They will know you are my disciples if you love one another."

I guess that's enough for now. There's a lot to learn from the political campaigns, but I'm afraid it mostly helps me see how the ways of God are fundamentally different from the ways of the rest of the world!"

What do you think?

what I appreciate

First, some pictures... This is how I spend most of my time (carrying Kate in my arms)... oh, my poor back! Ben has been dealing with a bit of homesickness the last couple days. I don't think I'm homesick, but there are some things I suppose I miss about home. From my traveling these past several days in China, I have learned to appreciate (or re-appreciate) a number of things...

1. 110 voltage: With all the things we brought that need charging, one power converter barely covers it.

2. US tap water and milk: We cannot drink water in China, except bottled water... which includes no brushing teeth with it, eating fruit or vegetables washed in tap water, open mouths in the shower, ice in our drinks, etc. And because of the recent problems with people getting sick from milk in China, we're avoiding milk... and the boys love milk. Not that they don't love getting to drink Sprite all the time, but we all miss a nice cold glass of milk these days.

3. Laundry facilities: With the 44-pound weight restriction on baggage and the limit to one checked bag on flights in China, we only packed for one week and are now on week two of our trip. This means we have been doing laundry, some of it Amy has been doing in the tub and others were done by a laundry service. I put on some of the "professionally" laundered clothes today and they smelled less than fresh. On top of that, after several hours, my skin started breaking out in a rash! Apparently I'm allergic to the detergent the laundry service used (thankfully, my underwear was washed in-house!).

4. Traffic rules: I experienced this quite a bit on my previous visit to China, but there's no way to explain the driving here. Traffic rules here are, at best, traffic "suggestions." Pass on a double-yellow line? No problem (even with oncoming traffic headed right at you). Honking is not rude or angry; it's merely necessary to let other drivers know you are close. The confluence of cars, vans, bicycles and motor bikes is amazing, indeed. (However, train travel--like in Europe--is so nice... I really wish we utilized this more in the States.)

5. The 112 miles between our house and Mimi's: I love my mother-in-law and am so glad to have her help with the boys on the trip. She does a great job with Ben and Will, and I think it's so great that they've gotten to experience this. But after so much non-stop time together, I think Mimi and I will both be happy for a little distance when we get back home.

6. Variety in food: I think I've done a good job of eating. If you know me, you know I can be a picky eater, but I haven't complained about the food. We've had breakfast buffets at our hotels, which always have bread or toast, eggs, OJ, and some other things I like (plus, I'm not much of a breakfast eater anyway). For other meals, we've tried a number of places. We ate at a hot pot place a couple days ago (very spicy); we were served lunch when we visited the orphanage; we ate at a noodle place tonight; and a couple other "local" places along our tours. We are certainly getting our fill of rice. There are a few other options, too... McDonalds, Burger King, KFC and we found a Papa John's, too. All in all, I'm getting burnt out on these limited options though. I could really go for some good home cooking right about now (or at least a Cracker Barrel).

7. Media: This goes both ways. I appreciate the distance from the media because it gives me a break from the political circus (commercials, coverage, phone calls, polls, etc.). It also helps me deal with my heartbreak over the Cubs not being in the NLCS or World Series (at least I don't have to watch the horrible Phillies play the games the Cubs should have been playing). But I miss my cell phone and text messaging, college and NFL football, ESPN sports radio and updated podcasts, and the new episodes of Heroes and CSI.

8. Self-sufficient children: Now that Ben and Will are old enough to take care of themselves so much, I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to go back to taking care of every need of a toddler. On top of that, since I'm the only one Kate has totally bonded with, it's left to me to feed her (which is sometimes tricky, especially liquids), bath her, diaper her, cloth her, rock her, tuck her in, supervise her playtime, give her medicine, brush her teeth, sit with her in the van, carry her on the tours, and be there at any moment she wants something. It makes it harder that she can't tell me what she wants but still gets mad at me when I don't get it right. I love Kate so much and have totally enjoyed being her beloved Daddy, but now after six days, I'm ready for some help :) I hope she bonds with Amy soon!

These (along with soft beds, air-conditioning, and non-tonal languages) are just some of the things I've grown to appreciate more over the last 10 days.

thoughts on "stress"

I love it when, even in the midst of leading a Bible study, God puts some pieces together in a whole new way.

This past Sunday morning during our normal youth Bible study, we were talking about dealing with stress and the things that cause stress. I had already planned and prepared, but in the midst of sharing some Scripture, God showed me a really cool connection that has really stuck with me.

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." There are some things that I care about that others don't care about like I do (e.g. my wife doesn't care about my baseball card collection, some old books I've held onto, or my large collection of baseball caps). It's okay, but knowing her love of yard sales, I don't trust her with these things. In this verse, God assures us that he is trustworthy... he truly cares about us and the things we care about (the things that cause us stress). Because he cares about our cares like we do, we can feel confident to trust him with them, to "cast our anxiety on him."

Add that to this verse: Matthew 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." It seems that God is also saying that he wants to change our focus. He wants to make sure that our priority is him and his kingdom, and, as a result, the other things we care about will be taken care of, too. He wants us to replace our worry with another activity--pursuing him. It seems that he is saying, "I want you to care most about the things I care most about."

Which I think leads to this muddled, but insightful, principle related to the stress in our lives: God cares about what I care about, but he also wants me to care about what he cares about. This is the heart of deep relationships--interconnectedness. Shared priorities. Mutual concerns. Loving one another.


(By the way, Amy really does care about the things I care the most about... I just like giving her a hard time about how much she likes getting rid of things in yard sales.)

"Grab a Corner"

If you've been following my blog for a while, you know I changed the web address. It used to include my last name, so for a little extra anonymity out in cyberspace, I recently changed it to http://www.grabacorner.blogspot.com/. I suppose it's about time I give a little explanation of the new title.

Early on in my dating relationship with Amy, I remember actually uttering the phrase, "I don't need anyone." I knew I liked being around people, and it wasn't much fun if you didn't have friends or family. But I thought that a sign of my inner strength and fortitude was that I felt that my fulfillment as a human being was not dependant on any other person. (Surprisingly, she didn't dump me immediately for my naive foolishness.) What I grew to realize was, instead of it being an indication of weakness, the need for other people is a fundamental part of the way God created me to be human. In interdependency, there is strength.

Let me see if I can explain. Check out this list. These are but a few of the things I feel that God has called me to do in life:

• Be a faithful husband, loving Amy sacrificially ("as Christ loved the church," Eph. 5:25)
• Raise all three of my children to love God and nurture in them a desire to have a relationship with Him
• Adopt and care for our precious daughter... provide her with a loving family.
• Be fully engaged in God's Word and let it live within me
• Have a meaningful prayer life that connects my heart with the heart of God
• Lead youth, their families, and our church to join God in the mission of reclaiming the world for Himself
• Come alongside teenagers to lead them on the journey of becoming fully-developed disciples of Jesus
• Actively worship God in a way that brings him honor and joy
• Serve the people of my community and my world in meaningful and restorative ways
• Share the story of my Savior with other people
• "Act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly with my God," Micah 6:8

Now, looking at this list, how many of these things do you think I can actually accomplish by myself? None. I can try, but I will be much more successful in being all that God has intended for me to be as I depend on other people helping me. Case in point: since God did not speak to me from the sky or drop a Bible in my lap, if it were not for other people, I would not be a follower of Jesus today. I needed others to point me to God, and I still need them today.

That's why I love the story in Mark 2 of the paralytic man and his friends. Here's this man, paralyzed, who is unable to help himself. Maybe if he could get to Jesus to heal him, but he could never get there unaided. So I can imagine in my mind the scene, this man's friends saying to one another, "We can do something about our friend's disability. We can carry him to Jesus." Not only was this man unable to help himself, but none of his friends by themselves could get him to Jesus either. So by the time they rounded up four of them, I can hear the first call out to the other three, "Hey, grab a corner. We'll get him to Jesus." The rest of the story goes on to tell about them being undeterred by the crowd and lowering the paralyzed man down in front of Jesus through the ceiling by pulling aside the roofing of the house Jesus was at. It says in verse five, "When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'" Then it says Jesus healed him and the paralytic man got up from his mat and could walk.

There's a lot that God wants me to do, but I need help. So I guess that's what I want my blog to be about. In the variety of things I write about-- adoption, youth ministry, changing the world--I want to invite you to jump on with me. Go ahead. Let's go. Grab a corner.

selfishness and blogging

wow, it's been quite a while since I even looked at this page. Needless to say, this blog has been on the "back burner." I guess I have to admit that I wasn't journaling for my own pleasure, but, because it seemed like no one was reading, I quit writing.

There's probably a lot in my life that I could say that about. If it weren't for other people watching, or appreciating, or giving feedback, or at least acknowledging something is being done, I wouldn't do half the things I do. That seems dangerous.

What would I do if I wasn't doing it for someone else? a bit scary, I think.

So maybe it's not so bad. Doing things "for" other people at least keeps me from being completely selfish and self-serving. I don't pretend to have great motives at all times, but I'm glad I have people I care about that help me not to be ME focused (all the time).

Return

After a bout with strep, I'm back. I took my last antibiotic today.

Yesterday was moving day, part 1. We moved out of our house in Somerset into the temporary dwelling of my mother-in-law's house. We aren't supposed to take possession of our house in Georgetown until February 26th. It's amazing how much "stuff" can accumulate.

In the midst of buying houses and recovering from my deathbed illness, I took a sabbath retreat. My friend, Danny, agreed to come alongside me and give spiritual direction for a couple days. He guided me through scripture and helped me discern some of what the Lord is saying to me about my relationship with Him. It was very enlightening but far too short. I'm still processing Hebrews 12:1-3, Ecclesiastes 11:4 and Matthew 14:22-33. (By the way, I find myself quite indebted to Eugene Peterson and his Bible paraphrase, The Message.) And now, after only a little while with Danny, I have a ton more books I need to read!

Lord, don't give up on me yet.

Stress

Someone recently said to me that buying a house ranked third as the most stressful events in a person's life-- after the death of a child and the death of a spouse. More than changing jobs, getting married, serious injuries, graduating from school, etc. It's probably no coincidence that I'm now reading my second book in a row related to the topic of stress. The first one, "What Matters Most," by Doug Fields was specifically for youth workers to be encouraged to pay attention to the warning signs of busyness and to be able to say "yes" to the things that matter most and learning to say "no" to more busyness. The one I'm reading now, "The Rest of God," by Mark Buchanan talks about restoring sabbath--the rest of God--into my life.

I have a lot to learn. Lord, help me say "no" to my own need to be busy and free me from my stress... so that I can embrace more of You.

puzzle pieces

I have a son, Ben, who loves puzzles. This morning I noticed him hold up a piece of one of his many puzzles and say to his mother, "Hey, I found the piece that was missing yesterday!" The thing about his statement that was so amazing was that he recognized that particular piece separate from the rest of the puzzle... he picked it up out of a pile of many random pieces. I'm not sure how his brain processes puzzle-working, but if you watch him work puzzles, it seems as though each piece of each puzzle is memorized... and, in particular, how it connects to the rest of the picture.

He is so thoughtful about a puzzle... and I'm not sure that I'm even that thoughtful about the most important pieces that make up my life. Do I put that kind of care into "giving thought to" all the parts of my life? What about the pieces of my life that go unnoticed and neglected? Could I pick out each piece, tell you about it, and explain how it's connected to the bigger picture? Probably not. Maybe that's part of where I want to go through this thing.

Here's one piece. My daughter. I have a beautiful baby daughter that my wife, my sons and I thank God for every night. We also pray that she will be safe and healthy and that God would provide people to love her and care for her right now. The problem is that she is still in China; she is an orphan and needs a family. But we haven't been told we can go get her yet. In fact, we haven't even been told her name or given her picture... but she's there right now waiting for us. And we are waiting (not so patiently) for her, too. I try to explain to Ben that we are waiting in line and it's not our turn yet... that we have to wait until we get to the front of the line to go to China to bring her home. Though I don't know the first thing about her, I love her and my heart aches to think about how I long to hold her in my arms. If my life is a puzzle, she is definitely a "missing piece."

a beginning

I guess I should explain my title a bit... "giving thought to my ways." It's a partial quote of Proverbs 14:8, which in full reads, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception."

I guess I want to avoid being a fool-- according to this verse, being one who deceives himself. I don't want to be lying to myself and blindly going along living an "unexamined life." I want to be wise by "giving thought to my ways," thinking about where I am going. Does the path I'm walking lead to a place I want to go? If I keep heading this way, will I like where I arrive?

Unfortunately I am not like Casey or BJ. I am intending neither to read through the Bible in one year nor to blog everyday... but, maybe at some point in this journey, I'll discover some things that will help me draw me nearer to God.