iPad 2

So I have new toy.

So far I've justified purchasing it by complaining how slow & old my regular computer is comparatively, that it keeps me from having to lug my laptop home every night, that it's easily transported to the youth room for teaching lessons & plugging into the stereo up there for music, that I'm able to paperlessly lead worship from it on Sunday mornings, that it helps entertain our kids from time to time, that I can use it as an e-reader for books, and that I can listen to (or watch!) my podcasts. And if that wasn't enough, now I can say I can blog from it (though I'm much more likely to continue "micro blogging" via twitter).

Lent

As a typical Baptist, I don't usually do Lent very well. It has always seemed a little too stuffy, religious and legalistic to me (as most traditions do). But over the years I have slowly come around.

This year has been significantly different already. This is the first year that I received ashes on my forehead. The Ash Wednesday service at the Episcopal church was beautiful and meaningful, but I was still very aware how out-of-place and uncomfortable I was with it all. Nevertheless, I was glad to be connected to something that Christians all over the world were a part of.

Then there is the commonly observed practice of giving up something for Lent. It is meant to be a time of self-denial and repentance (which in it's true form indicates a change of behavior) that leads to the Cross of Good Friday and the Empty Tomb of Resurrection Sunday. So with a fairly honest assessment of my life, I committed to drinking only water for 40 days. Giving up soft drinks (of which I typically consume several each day) was the big one, but it includes everything else, too. It may be healthy, but it is not meant to be a diet or for health reasons; it is meant to set me free from something in my life that has been addicting. I cannot allow anything in my life to compete with Jesus for control over it.

Another part of Lent this year is our church's emphasis on listening through the New Testament together. We have been encouraging the congregation to join us each day in listening to a few chapters of an audio version of the New Testament. I have to admit, after trying out the material we were distributing, I went back to my old copy of The Bible Experience audio Bible because it is so much better of a dramatic reading. I'm now in the first few chapters of Luke, and this has been a really nice part of this season as well.

Finally, thanks to a link on a friend's blog, I found Mars Hill Bible Church's Lent 2010 experiential calendar. This calendar is set up so that on each of the 40 days I will participate in an activity that challenges me and stretches me to grow toward Christ and his love. This includes activities like doing something you've been putting off or making a phone call to someone you've had a falling out with or shoveling snow from a neighbor's driveway or fasting from food or technology or music. I like that it helps Lent to be about more than just giving up something for a duration of time, but it also adds in spiritual exercises to your life in a wide variety of areas.

The funny thing about this season of Lent is how these added observances have bumped up against my regular life. The ashes coincided with a youth mission project, which helped me reflect on serving others as a proper response to repentance from self-centeredness. The audio Bible listening has been mixed in with a variety of activities throughout my day. The nothing-but-water fast creates tension whenever I go to the refrigerator or out to eat. My experiences from the Lent calendar are not always convenient with my day-to-day schedule so I have to find ways to make it work.

Tomorrow I'm headed to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in Chicago, and I'm going to be thinking and talking a lot about youth ministry. I'm hopeful that my deeper observance of Lent this year will also pay off in a fuller understanding of ministry as I reflect and study it together with some other great youth leaders. (Btw, I'm planning on blogging from there this weekend, too... or you can follow me on twitter.)

25 Random Things

There's are notes being posted on facebook, "25 Random Things," where you write 25 random things about yourself and then pass it on to 25 friends. I thought I'd go ahead and post it here, too. Enjoy!

1. My whole family is great (and there's a lot of my mom and dad in me), but my dream is that I turn out just like my grandfather, Leland Schindler.
2. I love hanging out with teenagers, I think maybe especially middle school guys (so long as there aren't any little girls around for them to impress).
3. It's been a long time since I've done some of my favorite things-- snow ski, golf, play poker, wear bowties, or study ancient Hebrew and Greek... very sad.
4. My middle name is John. I was named after my grandfather, John Claire Swinehart... another amazing man :)
5. I don't think my wife is as amused as I am that I have so many "old flames" as facebook friends (and, Cindy, no comments on "the list"!)
6. I was a student at UK when we went to three straight national championship games and won two titles ('96 & '98)... maybe I should go back to school!
7. Amy and I met in 1996 at UK (tomorrow is the 14-year anniversary of the day we met). It turned out we had several friends in common who were helpful in getting us to start dating :)
8. My favorite restaurants are Chipotle, Sonny's BBQ, Chick-fil-a, Giuseppe's, the Melting Pot, and any kind of Hibachi Japanese place (I like meat and chocolate... but not at the same time).
9. Though I played trumpet and french horn in band, I most enjoyed choral music and eventually taught myself how to play guitar.
10. I enjoy blogging (www.grabacorner.blogspot.com) and reading blogs, listening to podcasts, texting, facebook, twitter, etc.
11. As I type this, Kate is napping next to me... so sweet! I love my daughter more than I ever imagined. Truly amazing!
12. Adoption has taught me more about God than I am able to put into words. I highly recommend it :)
13. I'm usually bad at details and better at big picture stuff. (Amy does not like this feature in her husband.)
14. I love playing with the boys. Ben and Will are getting to that age now where we can do more and more fun "guy" stuff... I only wish I had more energy!
15. Not that I want more kids, but if we had another boy, I wish my wife would let me name him "Cook"... after the English name of a kid I met in China in 1997.
16. I love football. (This will be a long offseason.)
17. Though I've got some close friends, as a whole, I've never been able to replace my college "accountability group"... Shawn, Cager, Greg, Chuck (Last one on facebook is a eunuch, Chuck!)
18. With that said, I really miss Monday nights in Somerset (Poker for Jesus)
19. I love to read... but won't read fiction.
20. I watch much less tv these days, though I still carve out time to watch the Simpsons and the Colbert Report (usually on hulu.com)
21. Because Amy won't live north and I don't want to live south, we have a short list of places we would likely live: Hawaii, North Carolina, Kentucky, overseas, and Virginia (in that order... for me, at least).
22. Images are important to me (usually in the form of metaphors or stories)... they are useful for helping me think about/ understand things I have a hard time putting into words.
23. The trip to the Liberty Bowl this year was so much fun... thanks Alex and John.
24. I truly enjoy hanging out with my brothers, Rick and Brian, and wish I got to do that more. (It's funny how things change over the years, huh?)
25. Especially since so many high school classmates are on here now, I think there should be a 15-year class reunion for PHS class of '94. Any plans in the works, Emily, Jessica, or Steve?

processing stuff

It's time for this blog to do what it's really here to do: help me process some thoughts.

Kate is going in for surgery on Wednesday morning. As most of you are aware, my daughter was born with a cleft lip/ cleft palate. Her lip was repaired in China when she was seven months old (thanks to the generous sponsors of the "Happy Fund" in Suzhou). There is a little scarring and a "bump" on her upper lip from the repair, but I feel like it was done well and, if you've seen her, would have to admit that she's the most beautiful little girl you've ever seen!! (By the way, the doctor also concurs that the procedure was done well... which is important.)

So, though the lip was repaired, Kate still has an unrepaired cleft palate. The cleft in her palate is complete, which means the hole in the roof of her mouth spans both the hard and soft palate all the way to the gum line. Wednesday they will insert ear tubes (to help with the constant ear infections which are common with cleft-affected kids) and repair the cleft, leaving only the gum line unrepaired (which they will repair through a bone graft once she's a little older and her permanent teeth have come in). This later surgery, along with probably pretty extensive orthodontics, will help with her teeth and under bite.

The surgery on Wednesday will be in the morning, and they are planning to keep her overnight to watch for any swelling that might obstruct her breathing. Then she will come home Thursday to a diet of nothing but liquids for ten days. This will be quite a test, I think... she loves to eat and it will be tricky to work out the logistics of feeding the boys and keeping food (and toys) out of her mouth. After the ten days, she'll have a period where she can only eat soft foods like mashed potatoes and whatever we put in the blender before she eventually returns to eating normal again.

This surgery has the potential to be so great for her. For example, because of the cleft, she is unable to suck. As much as she loves straws (she insists on having one every time we go out to eat and non-stop pretends to drink out of it), how great will it be once she's recovered from the surgery and she can actually suck something through them! We're also hoping it will help with the amount of drool :)

Also, every once in a while, the cleft has made it so that when she sneezes, food comes out her nose. (I remember the first time she did this and a huge chunk that had apparently been lodged up there flew out and landed on my arm! Nice.)

More than that, her language should progress significantly. Because of the cleft, she has a very hard time making many sounds (she was never really able to speak Chinese either). In the mean time, we've been learning sign language so that she can communicate with us, and it has worked pretty well so far. And even if she doesn't get all the sounds just right, she already does such a great job with the English words she has learned so far like "hello," "bye," "home," "help," "hot," and "mama." Kate's got a great speech therapist working with her already, and I can't wait for her to make more sounds and start speaking more and more words and phrases. It'll make such a difference in her life.

But I can't help but think, "Poor girl!" I feel so bad for her. We really can't prepare her for this. Obviously she doesn't understand the English word "surgery"... not to mention the fact that it's hard to explain to a two-year old the principle of delayed gratification, i.e. what hurts so bad now will make your life so much better down the road. She doesn't have a clue that her world is going to be turned upside-down. I mean, there she is having such a great time with us, laughing and playing. With all we've gone through to try to build trust and avoid her rejecting us; I'm afraid something like this might destroy all that we've built the last three months.

I'm praying for the surgery to be successful and the healing to be quick, but maybe that's my deeper prayer-- let this ordeal not damage our relationship with her and turn her away from us... and maybe even somehow let it strengthen her bonds with her mommy and daddy. Or at least, let her emotional wounds from this surgery heal eventually, too.

That's the problem with suffering, isn't it? Let her go through it or protect her from it? Will it drive her away or draw her closer? As a good dad, I have to submit my daughter to this trauma. I wish I could save her from it, but I see the bigger picture and the long-term benefit of the surgery. It wouldn't be real love or mercy if I let her avoid the pain. But if she were given the choice, she might choose not to have to endure the pain and she may not perceive that I did what was really best. In the same kind of way, I guess I hope that through whatever painful experiences I might have to face in my own life that I will know that I have a Father I can trust so that I don't doubt his love for me, even if in my own eyes it seems unloving. Pain usually leads to one of two things: greater distance or greater closeness. I think that if Kate really trusts me, then as she receives comfort from me in the pain, it will knit our hearts together more and more. Oh God, please help my little girl know her daddy loves her.

live blogging from the KBYMA

Our state's Baptist Youth Ministry Association is meeting during the annual convention. Right now about 25 youth pastors are sitting around discussing what can we do about the trend for older high school students and college students to drop out of church. What needs to change? How can we operate within the structures that values keeping things the same? Why do our churches sometimes value only "good kids"? How can we keep teens connected through these transitions (driver's license, college, etc.)? How does a youth pastor's longevity factor into this? Is it simply that we're not offering anything good enough to compete with all the options that are now available to them? Is our message deficient... leaving out what's necessary to create deeper commitment? How do we measure things... what are some ways to tell "when it sticks"? Good questions that demand thoughtful and creative solutions.

Our jump off point were some quotes taken from the recent Catalyst conference...
“To reach people no one else is reaching, we must do things no one else is doing.”
“Become preoccupied with those you haven’t reached as opposed to those you are trying to keep.”
“The next generation product almost never comes from the previous generation.”
“Be a student, not a critic.”
“If we got kicked out and the board brought in a new CEO, what would he do? Why shouldn’t we walk out the door, come back in, and do it ourselves?”
“We fall in love with the way we do ministry so we keep it around.”
“What do I believe is impossible to do in my field… but if it could be done would fundamentally change my business?”
“Pay attention to the people who are breaking the rules. Rule breakers are often problem-solvers.”
“When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near.”
“Don’t let success overshadow your vision.”

"Grab a Corner"

If you've been following my blog for a while, you know I changed the web address. It used to include my last name, so for a little extra anonymity out in cyberspace, I recently changed it to http://www.grabacorner.blogspot.com/. I suppose it's about time I give a little explanation of the new title.

Early on in my dating relationship with Amy, I remember actually uttering the phrase, "I don't need anyone." I knew I liked being around people, and it wasn't much fun if you didn't have friends or family. But I thought that a sign of my inner strength and fortitude was that I felt that my fulfillment as a human being was not dependant on any other person. (Surprisingly, she didn't dump me immediately for my naive foolishness.) What I grew to realize was, instead of it being an indication of weakness, the need for other people is a fundamental part of the way God created me to be human. In interdependency, there is strength.

Let me see if I can explain. Check out this list. These are but a few of the things I feel that God has called me to do in life:

• Be a faithful husband, loving Amy sacrificially ("as Christ loved the church," Eph. 5:25)
• Raise all three of my children to love God and nurture in them a desire to have a relationship with Him
• Adopt and care for our precious daughter... provide her with a loving family.
• Be fully engaged in God's Word and let it live within me
• Have a meaningful prayer life that connects my heart with the heart of God
• Lead youth, their families, and our church to join God in the mission of reclaiming the world for Himself
• Come alongside teenagers to lead them on the journey of becoming fully-developed disciples of Jesus
• Actively worship God in a way that brings him honor and joy
• Serve the people of my community and my world in meaningful and restorative ways
• Share the story of my Savior with other people
• "Act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly with my God," Micah 6:8

Now, looking at this list, how many of these things do you think I can actually accomplish by myself? None. I can try, but I will be much more successful in being all that God has intended for me to be as I depend on other people helping me. Case in point: since God did not speak to me from the sky or drop a Bible in my lap, if it were not for other people, I would not be a follower of Jesus today. I needed others to point me to God, and I still need them today.

That's why I love the story in Mark 2 of the paralytic man and his friends. Here's this man, paralyzed, who is unable to help himself. Maybe if he could get to Jesus to heal him, but he could never get there unaided. So I can imagine in my mind the scene, this man's friends saying to one another, "We can do something about our friend's disability. We can carry him to Jesus." Not only was this man unable to help himself, but none of his friends by themselves could get him to Jesus either. So by the time they rounded up four of them, I can hear the first call out to the other three, "Hey, grab a corner. We'll get him to Jesus." The rest of the story goes on to tell about them being undeterred by the crowd and lowering the paralyzed man down in front of Jesus through the ceiling by pulling aside the roofing of the house Jesus was at. It says in verse five, "When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'" Then it says Jesus healed him and the paralytic man got up from his mat and could walk.

There's a lot that God wants me to do, but I need help. So I guess that's what I want my blog to be about. In the variety of things I write about-- adoption, youth ministry, changing the world--I want to invite you to jump on with me. Go ahead. Let's go. Grab a corner.

selfishness and blogging

wow, it's been quite a while since I even looked at this page. Needless to say, this blog has been on the "back burner." I guess I have to admit that I wasn't journaling for my own pleasure, but, because it seemed like no one was reading, I quit writing.

There's probably a lot in my life that I could say that about. If it weren't for other people watching, or appreciating, or giving feedback, or at least acknowledging something is being done, I wouldn't do half the things I do. That seems dangerous.

What would I do if I wasn't doing it for someone else? a bit scary, I think.

So maybe it's not so bad. Doing things "for" other people at least keeps me from being completely selfish and self-serving. I don't pretend to have great motives at all times, but I'm glad I have people I care about that help me not to be ME focused (all the time).

a beginning

I guess I should explain my title a bit... "giving thought to my ways." It's a partial quote of Proverbs 14:8, which in full reads, "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception."

I guess I want to avoid being a fool-- according to this verse, being one who deceives himself. I don't want to be lying to myself and blindly going along living an "unexamined life." I want to be wise by "giving thought to my ways," thinking about where I am going. Does the path I'm walking lead to a place I want to go? If I keep heading this way, will I like where I arrive?

Unfortunately I am not like Casey or BJ. I am intending neither to read through the Bible in one year nor to blog everyday... but, maybe at some point in this journey, I'll discover some things that will help me draw me nearer to God.