update on Kate

I should apologize. If you were faithfully reading this blog, I've let you down. I've not been posting much lately, and I'm sorry. (Hopefully you've used this time to go back and re-read all the wonderful and insightful things I've written in the past... haha.)

In addition to other distractions, I think I've not posted very much because I'm not sure what to say or quite how to articulate my thoughts about the changes in our family.

If you've been around our family recently, you probably know that Kate isn't the daddy's girl she used to be. Since we've been back in the country, she has become attached at the hip with Amy. I don't blame her. Since I have to leave every morning (and often in the evenings and weekends), I'd probably pout, too. Sometimes she just looks at me like she's mad at me and is planning on holding a grudge for a while. The things she used to do that indicated good attachment-- look to me for comfort, hold eye contact, willing to show affection-- she doesn't do nearly as much. So, it makes me feel sad (because I feel like I've lost a little bit of her already) and guilty (because it's my fault that I have to leave her behind all the time).

Don't get me wrong. She's a great little girl and we are so blessed that she is adjusting so well. But I attribute that to two things: One, she has two wonderful brothers that think she hung the moon. She gives Ben the biggest hugs, and Will is constantly making up songs and singing over her! Two, it's because her mommy is so great (and because she's now figured that out!). She really is thriving. And really I can't complain too much... Kate still let's me hold her (at least for a while), take afternoon naps with her, take her to the store, give her baths, feed her, brush teeth, change diapers and clothes, and most other essential things (especially when I get her brothers involved). But it's not what it once was between me and her.

A while back, in order to better facilitate Kate's attachment with her, Amy took over the bedtime ritual (see her recent post). It worked well... maybe too well. Because when I went to put her to bed last week to give Mommy a break, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. She cried, kicked and signed "mommy" non-stop for about an hour (all without ever looking at me)... I think we underestimated each others' stubbornness. The decibel level only grew whenever I said that Daddy loved her or that Mommy was not coming. She would not settle down no matter what I tried. In fact, she worked herself into such a fit and got choked on so much snot and mucus that she threw up twice. After changing clothes and bed sheets... and tactics and positions... she finally wore herself out and settled down in her bed with me laying next to her. Exhausted she fell asleep. Since then, Amy and I have been doing bedtime together more often... at least when I'm home in time. I hope this helps Kate attach with both of us.

So pray for us... that we'll know what to do. That we'll know how to build trust and acceptance. That we'll know when to hold on and when to back off. That she'll know that we are her Mommy and Daddy and love her more deeply than we can say.

And let there be no doubt, even in the midst of what will likely be a temporary struggle, truly God is good and we have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season!