Kate is going in for surgery on Wednesday morning. As most of you are aware, my daughter was born with a cleft lip/ cleft palate. Her lip was repaired in China when she was seven months old (thanks to the generous sponsors of the "Happy Fund" in Suzhou). There is a little scarring and a "bump" on her upper lip from the repair, but I feel like it was done well and, if you've seen her, would have to admit that she's the most beautiful little girl you've ever seen!! (By the way, the doctor also concurs that the procedure was done well... which is important.)
So, though the lip was repaired, Kate still has an unrepaired cleft palate. The cleft in her palate is complete, which means the hole in the roof of her mouth spans both the hard and soft palate all the way to the gum line. Wednesday they will insert ear tubes (to help with the constant ear infections which are common with cleft-affected kids) and repair the cleft, leaving only the gum line unrepaired (which they will repair through a bone graft once she's a little older and her permanent teeth have come in). This later surgery, along with probably pretty extensive orthodontics, will help with her teeth and under bite.
The surgery on Wednesday will be in the morning, and they are planning to keep her overnight to watch for any swelling that might obstruct her breathing. Then she will come home Thursday to a diet of nothing but liquids for ten days. This will be quite a test, I think... she loves to eat and it will be tricky to work out the logistics of feeding the boys and keeping food (and toys) out of her mouth. After the ten days, she'll have a period where she can only eat soft foods like mashed potatoes and whatever we put in the blender before she eventually returns to eating normal again.
This surgery has the potential to be so great for her. For example, because of the cleft, she is unable to suck. As much as she loves straws (she insists on having one every time we go out to eat and non-stop pretends to drink out of it), how great will it be once she's recovered from the surgery and she can actually suck something through them! We're also hoping it will help with the amount of drool :)
Also, every once in a while, the cleft has made it so that when she sneezes, food comes out her nose. (I remember the first time she did this and a huge chunk that had apparently been lodged up there flew out and landed on my arm! Nice.)
More than that, her language should progress significantly. Because of the cleft, she has a very hard time making many sounds (she was never really able to speak Chinese either). In the mean time, we've been learning sign language so that she can communicate with us, and it has worked pretty well so far. And even if she doesn't get all the sounds just right, she already does such a great job with the English words she has learned so far like "hello," "bye," "home," "help," "hot," and "mama." Kate's got a great speech therapist working with her already, and I can't wait for her to make more sounds and start speaking more and more words and phrases. It'll make such a difference in her life.
But I can't help but think, "Poor girl!" I feel so bad for her. We really can't prepare her for this. Obviously she doesn't understand the English word "surgery"... not to mention the fact that it's hard to explain to a two-year old the principle of delayed gratification, i.e. what hurts so bad now will make your life so much better down the road. She doesn't have a clue that her world is going to be turned upside-down. I mean, there she is having such a great time with us, laughing and playing. With all we've gone through to try to build trust and avoid her rejecting us; I'm afraid something like this might destroy all that we've built the last three months.
I'm praying for the surgery to be successful and the healing to be quick, but maybe that's my deeper prayer-- let this ordeal not damage our relationship with her and turn her away from us... and maybe even somehow let it strengthen her bonds with her mommy and daddy. Or at least, let her emotional wounds from this surgery heal eventually, too.
That's the problem with suffering, isn't it? Let her go through it or protect her from it? Will it drive her away or draw her closer? As a good dad, I have to submit my daughter to this trauma. I wish I could save her from it, but I see the bigger picture and the long-term benefit of the surgery. It wouldn't be real love or mercy if I let her avoid the pain. But if she were given the choice, she might choose not to have to endure the pain and she may not perceive that I did what was really best. In the same kind of way, I guess I hope that through whatever painful experiences I might have to face in my own life that I will know that I have a Father I can trust so that I don't doubt his love for me, even if in my own eyes it seems unloving. Pain usually leads to one of two things: greater distance or greater closeness. I think that if Kate really trusts me, then as she receives comfort from me in the pain, it will knit our hearts together more and more. Oh God, please help my little girl know her daddy loves her.
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