update on Kate

I should apologize. If you were faithfully reading this blog, I've let you down. I've not been posting much lately, and I'm sorry. (Hopefully you've used this time to go back and re-read all the wonderful and insightful things I've written in the past... haha.)

In addition to other distractions, I think I've not posted very much because I'm not sure what to say or quite how to articulate my thoughts about the changes in our family.

If you've been around our family recently, you probably know that Kate isn't the daddy's girl she used to be. Since we've been back in the country, she has become attached at the hip with Amy. I don't blame her. Since I have to leave every morning (and often in the evenings and weekends), I'd probably pout, too. Sometimes she just looks at me like she's mad at me and is planning on holding a grudge for a while. The things she used to do that indicated good attachment-- look to me for comfort, hold eye contact, willing to show affection-- she doesn't do nearly as much. So, it makes me feel sad (because I feel like I've lost a little bit of her already) and guilty (because it's my fault that I have to leave her behind all the time).

Don't get me wrong. She's a great little girl and we are so blessed that she is adjusting so well. But I attribute that to two things: One, she has two wonderful brothers that think she hung the moon. She gives Ben the biggest hugs, and Will is constantly making up songs and singing over her! Two, it's because her mommy is so great (and because she's now figured that out!). She really is thriving. And really I can't complain too much... Kate still let's me hold her (at least for a while), take afternoon naps with her, take her to the store, give her baths, feed her, brush teeth, change diapers and clothes, and most other essential things (especially when I get her brothers involved). But it's not what it once was between me and her.

A while back, in order to better facilitate Kate's attachment with her, Amy took over the bedtime ritual (see her recent post). It worked well... maybe too well. Because when I went to put her to bed last week to give Mommy a break, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. She cried, kicked and signed "mommy" non-stop for about an hour (all without ever looking at me)... I think we underestimated each others' stubbornness. The decibel level only grew whenever I said that Daddy loved her or that Mommy was not coming. She would not settle down no matter what I tried. In fact, she worked herself into such a fit and got choked on so much snot and mucus that she threw up twice. After changing clothes and bed sheets... and tactics and positions... she finally wore herself out and settled down in her bed with me laying next to her. Exhausted she fell asleep. Since then, Amy and I have been doing bedtime together more often... at least when I'm home in time. I hope this helps Kate attach with both of us.

So pray for us... that we'll know what to do. That we'll know how to build trust and acceptance. That we'll know when to hold on and when to back off. That she'll know that we are her Mommy and Daddy and love her more deeply than we can say.

And let there be no doubt, even in the midst of what will likely be a temporary struggle, truly God is good and we have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season!

Is God Really Enough?

In the last couple days I've been priviledged to participate in an interesting theological discussion on facebook with several folks from NKU and their campus minister, Brian (an old college friend of mine). It started out with Brian's post, "Is God Really Enough?":

Question get your attention? :) No, I am not questioning God as the creator and provider of all things. :) I spoke at our worship service last night and this was one of the questions I posed to spark some discussion in hopes of further developing our Christian Community within the NKU BCM as well as on the campus of NKU. Will you go with me for a minute...

Look at Genesis 1 & 2...God has just created man (Adam). In Chapter 1, as he created each day, He ended the day by saying it was Good. After He created man (Adam & Eve), he said it was Very Good. There is something special about humans that God created... Now, in Chapter 2...after everything had just been declared "Good" and "Very Good", God says in Verse 18, "It is not good for man to be alone..." Amongst all the good, God declares something that was not good. This has been interesting for me to ponder. Why was it not good? Maybe because it was incomplete? Not accomplishing what God wanted accomplished?

I often hear comments from people that as long as I have my relationship with God, that is all that really matters...God is enough. I find it interesting that this is exactly the situation Adam is in in Genesis 2 and yet, it seems that God deemed that that was not enough...something was missing. This led me to another question...Is there a void in our life that God will not fill? Note that I did not say that He could not fill it. He is perfectly capable of doing so. But, in this instance in Genesis 2, it seems that He has left a void in Adam's life that God did not fill. (Also note, that the fall had not occurred yet...) Verse 18 concludes with, "...I will make a helper suitable for him." Scripture goes on to describe the process that ultimately resulted in a suitable helper/companion being created...Eve...another human.

Could it be that from the beginning God created us (humans) to experience community much like the community/relationship experienced among the Trinity? Could it be that we are missing part of the point when we do not emphasize that God really is enough in the context of Christian community? Could it be that one reason the Church is not getting much traction with the Gospel in the world is that we are missing a large part if ourselves?

These are some thoughts I am working through...there are likely holes of reason and understanding. Will you help me explore these questions by engaging this discussion with me? I think the process of exploration in these areas trusting that God, through His Holy Spirit will guide us to His answers, will be a way to spur one another on to futher growth in our relationship with God and each other. Hope to hear from you!

Which caused me to do some thinking... and give input into the discussion, too:

Just a thought... Was the Trinity not enough for God? Isn't that why he created humans? Maybe the bigger picture is that community-in-and-of-itself isn't what is missing... maybe an ever-growing, more-inclusive community is what God is pointing to here. (A community which constantly adds more to it, e.g. the Trinity adding Adam, Adam adding Eve, the first family adding children, etc.) Yet another aspect to the Abrahamic covenant: You are blessed to be a blessing... bring more people into the "family," if you will.

Personally, this has been more real to me through our adoption of Kate. I'm not enough... Me and Amy aren't enough... Me, Amy and my 2 sons aren't enough... We felt it deep in our souls to love another and open up our family to this amazing little girl. As in the case of the Trinity, even good can become better. Or, maybe put another way, good can become "not good" if it never grows beyond itself.

And this, too (after further discussion):

Yes, thanks James for the word of caution. I really don't mean to imply that God was not self-sustaining, but nevertheless I don't want to miss the way that God builds something of himself into his human creation, a.k.a. "created in his image."

Brian, great job explaining what I was trying to say... I should let you speak for me more often :) Like you, I guess I might use the word "satisfied." When you look at the creative and redeeming nature of God, it reveals an unwillingness to be satisfied with things as they are. (Also, maybe that's why ours is a God of linear history instead of recurring cycles and reincarnation?) I mean, really, isn't the problem with many churches that they're often satisfied NOT reaching out beyond themselves? Why does this annoy God? Because the people who call themselves by his name are acting in a way that is inconsistent with his character! I believe it is part of who God is that he is always seeking, inviting, welcoming, opening doors, breaking down barriers, growing, renewing, recapturing, redeeming...

So is God enough for God? Does God need more than God? "Need"? I wouldn't go that far. "Desire"? I truly think so. Forgive me if I overstate the point, but I feel that God's love moves him to be dissatisfied.

I'm interested... does this make sense? What does everyone else think?

live blogging from the KBYMA

Our state's Baptist Youth Ministry Association is meeting during the annual convention. Right now about 25 youth pastors are sitting around discussing what can we do about the trend for older high school students and college students to drop out of church. What needs to change? How can we operate within the structures that values keeping things the same? Why do our churches sometimes value only "good kids"? How can we keep teens connected through these transitions (driver's license, college, etc.)? How does a youth pastor's longevity factor into this? Is it simply that we're not offering anything good enough to compete with all the options that are now available to them? Is our message deficient... leaving out what's necessary to create deeper commitment? How do we measure things... what are some ways to tell "when it sticks"? Good questions that demand thoughtful and creative solutions.

Our jump off point were some quotes taken from the recent Catalyst conference...
“To reach people no one else is reaching, we must do things no one else is doing.”
“Become preoccupied with those you haven’t reached as opposed to those you are trying to keep.”
“The next generation product almost never comes from the previous generation.”
“Be a student, not a critic.”
“If we got kicked out and the board brought in a new CEO, what would he do? Why shouldn’t we walk out the door, come back in, and do it ourselves?”
“We fall in love with the way we do ministry so we keep it around.”
“What do I believe is impossible to do in my field… but if it could be done would fundamentally change my business?”
“Pay attention to the people who are breaking the rules. Rule breakers are often problem-solvers.”
“When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near.”
“Don’t let success overshadow your vision.”

new creation

New Creation from Pace Hartfield on Vimeo.

the political campaign model

In honor of "Super Tuesday," I thought I would post some thoughts (Yes, I know... it's dangerous to stray too far from pictures and stories about my daughter, especially into politics!).

A friend of mine posted on his blog asking what the church could learn from political campaigns. The following was my reply:

"I'm afraid it has been a lesson in what-not-to-do, as it relates to faith and the kingdom of God...
1. Campaigns exist to promote the leader. In the church, God's design is for leaders to promote the people (though we see it modeled the other way all the time).
2. In campaigns, it's all about the event. You get people to make a "decision" the will determine their (sic!) future. Though this is how a lot of people talk about Christianity, I think Jesus models a faith that is intended to be more of a journey that has several key points of commitments and evidences of maturity all along the way. Our faith is intended to move us toward the image of Jesus reflected in us, not simply praying a prayer, a.k.a. marking the right box on a ballot.
3. In campaigns the ultimate commodity is image. You can't afford to be really authentic-- it's too risky. On the other hand, the church should be a community of real people who live authentic and vulnerable lives, modeled by its leaders.
4. Campaigns often don't seem to differentiate in priority of issues. On a scale of 1 to 10, everything is a 10: health care, social security, the economy, national security, civil liberties, judgment, education, etc. In the church, not everything is a 10. The death and resurrection of Jesus is a 10. What translation of the Bible you prefer is probably a 1. (However, as we all know, there are many churches that treat 1's like 10's.)
5. In campaigns, the most utilized way of influencing people is through well-placed rhetoric (either inspiring or fear-based). Commercials, billboards, debates, yard signs. "America first." "Change you can believe it." I think the leadership example of Jesus says influence comes through relationships, serving one another, and tangible expressions of love. "They will know you are my disciples if you love one another."

I guess that's enough for now. There's a lot to learn from the political campaigns, but I'm afraid it mostly helps me see how the ways of God are fundamentally different from the ways of the rest of the world!"

What do you think?